It struck me hard...

Today I saw one of the patient that I really dread serving... It had been some time since she came.... She used to 'patronise' the clinic at least once a week or once every 2 weeks....

She used to trouble the PSAs by having to cancel her bill everytime she forgot to request for the medications she want...

She used to irritate the doctors by making them amending her prescription several times.. Because she just can't seem to remember what she want and tell the doctor at one go...

She used to irritate the hell out of me because she have got lotsa questions and can't seems to remember what I told her... And she will ask the same question over again and again...

I always 'bully' her by asking to go find the doctor herself to add the medications.. (This is SOP-right). I didnt offer to call the doctor to request the medications on her behalf before.... (We are not really allowed to do this... unless there's no other alternatives - nasty patients...)

I never help her to write the indications and instructions willingly on her medications label because she always ask the same old question....

Today she came....

No longer with her umbrella, no longer speaking in that loud and strong voice.... no longer staring at me/other pts with that big eyes....

She sat on her wheelchair that seems pretty new.... Eyes were half closed, can't really hear, can't really pay attention....

Her son seems to be more 'obedient' as he no longer argue with her in the pharmacy... No longer scolding her saying she's so troublesome... Instead, he stayed with her and offer to listen to our drugs dispensing.... And make her listen as well....

I also willingly to dispense with my really broken hokkien for the very first time... Sad isn't it... (I hate to dispense in hokkien, fyi...)

I still remember how she say she need to rush back home to cook dinner.... That's like 6 mths ago?

She look so weak and frail today... I didnt cry nor I tear... But I almost did.... My heart wrench at the sight of her.... She's around 80+ - 90 y/o... Though she can be deem as healthy at her age... But I cant help but to feel really sad when I see the change in her within these 2 years....

Somehow, I was thinking... Will her son be very helpless if ever 1 day Mdm SST left.... It seems like both of them depend on each other a lot....

I really cannot imagine... My own parents becoming like her in the future.... I cant imagine myself becoming like her in the future.....

And it is also today.... I understand the reason why I am still 'lingering' in NHG Pharm.

I hope I can let the other old folks out there to age more 'comfortably'. They may be down with several chronic diseases... They maybe feeling weak and helpless... But somehow when we, the service staff in healthcare shows that we do care and willing to help them... They will feel happier....

They may complain, they may scream at us saying how slow are we.... But they're still the patients...

Of course, there're black sheeps out there that criticise us when we do our job.... But there're also people who appreciate what we do (though they're the minority...)....

This incident did not rekindle the so called 'passion' and 'compassion' in me to stay on in healthcare frontline....

It made me realise, I will still hope I am able help whenever I can.... I will also take pride in what I do even if I detest doing it....

And this afternoon, I did my best in clearing patients... Giving them the clearest instructions I can give... Only to hope all their diseases can be lifted and be free from these illnesses....

So, please give me the strength to face it. Human will age and die... Please do give me the patience, to serve all patients with pride and empathy...

And last but not least, all people to be appreciative to give me that support and encouragement to stay on with the other frontline staff to help whatever we can...

Jia you... =)