顿时间，我感觉不到我的存在意义了。。。

有时真地会觉得，不知道自己的存在是为了什么。就觉得自己好像一个空壳。盲目的追求物质上的好。连我为什么要继续课业的理由都不懂了。 不知道是不是自己想太多， 就总觉得自己在做的一切很不世纪。感觉就好像我很盲目的在追求我在做的一切。算了。。。 顺其自然吧。。。

JCIA...

JCI audit is over for my place... Well, I find it rather... nvm....

We spent countless afternoons gg thru those mock audits.... Made lotsa effort to clean up this and that.... We cant eat in the pharmacy for so long... Just for tt < 10mins walk ard by the angmo.... -shake head-

Not forgetting the stress factor that could push your BP to 200/180. F!

To add on to those problems.... Studies have been getting really tedious, mentally... The fatigue is really starting to take its toll on me. I am totally dreading work. And I cant concentrate in class after 30 mins... Haiz... Alrite, I cant complain much for this, I brought it upon myself....

Maths test tmr... I am still procrastinating.. Have got no energy to study! < 6 hours of sleep everyday, and < 5 hours of sleep on school days is really very torturing.... I really wish to find a decent 5 days job soon.... If only I can just dont work for this 3 years (Dream on!)

Wish me luck, I am gg to try mug later on @ 10pm... ZZZ~

I'm a studious kid...

I love studying at TP lib.... Maybe I will love studying in SIM lib too.. But SIM is simply too faaaaaar.... And ya... I am a studious kid. =D

MC-ed

MC-ed. Need the time to study for my Maths test. Even though I foresee myself to flunk big time. Wish me good luck.

I want this phone!!!

Nostalagia....

I went back to TP for a studying session, it felt great to be back in TP (even if it's for awhile...) And of course, the studying session is 75% fruitful.. Except for the occasional chit chatting... lame jokes and bouts of tension headache attacks, I really did study ok! =D

Well, used up 1.5 days of my AL this week and I am left with 2 days only.. Seriously I dont know how to survive.. As much as I want to leave my current workplace, I guess I will be staying throughout this year. Forget it....

I was pondering on some changes I noticed recently. Mainly on people... It's sad when u realise u cant relate as much to someone who usd to be so dear anymore right? You noticed the change is so big that sometimes you can't recognise the person infront of you used to be your confidante. And when I mean the big change, its something for the worst imo. And what make it worse, I dont know how to tell the person neither do the person know he/she had changed that much. Well, maybe nothing ever changes... Just that I am being too paranoid, sensitive. Or maybe just that the person is still the same, just that I have never notice those traits all these years I know him/her. Sad la...

I hope I can get on track for my revision later on. As much as I hate maths, I do start to feel that it may get a lil exciting when I attempt those alien questions. Wish me luck for maths, and stats. =)

I set my foot into...

I set my foot into Sentosa today....

And ended up a roasted pig... ZZZ...

This aside.. Let me introduce you to my very 'hip' parents... That's my mum playing my Nintendo DS Lite and My father playing my sis PSP Slim... Damn 'hip' la!

Aiyo....

I am so tempted can.....

I read through the student handbook that I received along with my study guides ytd.... (This yr UOL seems to be more efficient... as what pple in e forum say la...)

And I saw this section on Summer School...

Tempting tempting!!

Course fees for 1 session (20days) - 1125pounds -> bound to be increase for next yr...

Accomodation for 1 session... - differ for different residences and room type... If lets say I am gg to share a rm with another person, it will come up to about 700pounds per person...

The air tix.... Will come up to about 2k...

Expenses... I dont know about the expenses there... But lets say I put 2000 for approx 3 weeks (frankly speaking... I think its defintely not enough...)

Then it will come up to approx 10k can!

Any kind soul want to donate some money to me? I want to go for summer school la!!!

I hate this...

I dont understand how can one be so irresponsible...

Y make others feel stressful and worried on their behalf when its their own life?

My silence does not means I don't care. But I am freaking tired to show my displease already. I really dont understand why a grown up like you can be more mature? Instead always getting stuck in your own world thinking that you;re the only one whose really sick and tired of everything.. You're the one suffering the most. C'mon! Spare a thought on how the people around u feel too!

I dont know why.. But you no longer command that kinda respect I used to have already...

Shucks...I want to get out of this phase asap.

i neeed a breaaaak~

As I was flipping the papers today (MyPapers).... Japan is said to be one of the tourist destination this year due to the weak Yen! Can I go???????????? SIgh... I seriously need a break la...

School's seriously draining me... I may be able to give my 101% of attention in class, but the moment I reached home.. I am like concuss-ed~ And the work for the following day will be disastrous.... I seriously hope this is an adapting phase only....

I am gg for a K session tmr!!! Like finally la.... But I am like having some sore throat? Heck la.... I want to spend money!!!! I want to go travelling!!!

Taiwan!!! I am so missing u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictures updates....

WARNING: A HEAVY PICTORIAL POST!

A Meetup with Poly Pals... Finally!

Sze Hui's Farewell

Fellie's Bdae Celeb~

Remember?

Remember about the patient I talked about on my last few posts?

She had passed away a few days ago....

Motivation-less

Shucks... I seriously need lotsa motivation...

I am lagging badly for my maths class... People with A or C Maths background seriously have got an upperhand with the way the class is being taught... And again, I really cant adapt the way Mr teong's brother teach... ZZZ

Stats is still ok.... However when I tried to do the tutorial earlier on.. haha~ bad la.. Some facts just cant seems to get into my head.... Time for some serious revision... -bless me-

Szehui had left TPY alr.... Hope she will do and cope well in Hougang though... Am glad she crossed my path, and hopefully I will still see her ard in sch... She have been a really good companion in tpy with me... I will definitely miss her though... Cuz she's not just a colleague, but a good friend to me too. =)

Anyway, finally have a meetup with Ben and qin.... Although its quite obvious that we dont have much topics to talk about.. But its still nice to see friends that we seldom see right? Haha~ Seems like we really meet each other once a year.... Hope all things will goes well for qin's studies and her new job... As for ben.... Looks like we didnt talk much... We should meetup tog with glads and qin la... haha~

This is a pointless entry.... So ignore it... What I am trying to convey is.. I am very SIAN....

**Huang Jinglun & Sugie are both eliminated from XGDD3 already! Sadness la... I thought HJL can get into Top 5... Haiz... I dont like tt Obama... =X

Some tests...

As I 'link-hopped' from Joanna's blog..

I tried out this test....

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on educationEducation is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Test @ http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

2nd test...

You value your friendships: 70%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

Test @ http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test78.aspx

I LOVE FELICIA NG LA!!

I cant help but to say this again!!

FELICIA NG IS MY IDOL LA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!

Life sucks...

Life sucks when calculators cant be used!!!

I simply hate to plot those stupid graphs using fraction.. How on earth can any normal people can plot graphs using fractions! ARGH!

For a qns that's supposedly to be done in 10 mins or so... I am using 1hour... haha~ Ho seh bo...

I am not bring agitated.. Just find it amusing...

I guess I still have a looooong looooooooooooooooooong looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong way to go.....

Please let me be motivated to do my stats tut today or tmr~~~

School's Starting....

It's weird how I am not getting the jittery feeling for school's start for me tmr....

I am feeling more of worried actually... Haha~

Just hope everything will be fine. I hope I will be strong enough to stay on my present job, I still want my LSA... =P

So qad, fellie, kymmie, gla.... Let us strive for good honours k? Haha~ Jia you... =)

It struck me hard...

Today I saw one of the patient that I really dread serving... It had been some time since she came.... She used to 'patronise' the clinic at least once a week or once every 2 weeks....

She used to trouble the PSAs by having to cancel her bill everytime she forgot to request for the medications she want...

She used to irritate the doctors by making them amending her prescription several times.. Because she just can't seem to remember what she want and tell the doctor at one go...

She used to irritate the hell out of me because she have got lotsa questions and can't seems to remember what I told her... And she will ask the same question over again and again...

I always 'bully' her by asking to go find the doctor herself to add the medications.. (This is SOP-right). I didnt offer to call the doctor to request the medications on her behalf before.... (We are not really allowed to do this... unless there's no other alternatives - nasty patients...)

I never help her to write the indications and instructions willingly on her medications label because she always ask the same old question....

Today she came....

No longer with her umbrella, no longer speaking in that loud and strong voice.... no longer staring at me/other pts with that big eyes....

She sat on her wheelchair that seems pretty new.... Eyes were half closed, can't really hear, can't really pay attention....

Her son seems to be more 'obedient' as he no longer argue with her in the pharmacy... No longer scolding her saying she's so troublesome... Instead, he stayed with her and offer to listen to our drugs dispensing.... And make her listen as well....

I also willingly to dispense with my really broken hokkien for the very first time... Sad isn't it... (I hate to dispense in hokkien, fyi...)

I still remember how she say she need to rush back home to cook dinner.... That's like 6 mths ago?

She look so weak and frail today... I didnt cry nor I tear... But I almost did.... My heart wrench at the sight of her.... She's around 80+ - 90 y/o... Though she can be deem as healthy at her age... But I cant help but to feel really sad when I see the change in her within these 2 years....

Somehow, I was thinking... Will her son be very helpless if ever 1 day Mdm SST left.... It seems like both of them depend on each other a lot....

I really cannot imagine... My own parents becoming like her in the future.... I cant imagine myself becoming like her in the future.....

And it is also today.... I understand the reason why I am still 'lingering' in NHG Pharm.

I hope I can let the other old folks out there to age more 'comfortably'. They may be down with several chronic diseases... They maybe feeling weak and helpless... But somehow when we, the service staff in healthcare shows that we do care and willing to help them... They will feel happier....

They may complain, they may scream at us saying how slow are we.... But they're still the patients...

Of course, there're black sheeps out there that criticise us when we do our job.... But there're also people who appreciate what we do (though they're the minority...)....

This incident did not rekindle the so called 'passion' and 'compassion' in me to stay on in healthcare frontline....

It made me realise, I will still hope I am able help whenever I can.... I will also take pride in what I do even if I detest doing it....

And this afternoon, I did my best in clearing patients... Giving them the clearest instructions I can give... Only to hope all their diseases can be lifted and be free from these illnesses....

So, please give me the strength to face it. Human will age and die... Please do give me the patience, to serve all patients with pride and empathy...

And last but not least, all people to be appreciative to give me that support and encouragement to stay on with the other frontline staff to help whatever we can...

Jia you... =)

I miss life in TP, badly...

I went to have a campus tour of TP this evening, alone...

I missed school life in TP so badly...

It was so much fun as compared to secondary school days...

And I am pretty sure it will be better than my upcoming p/t school life too...




Why do we have to grow up? Sigh....

My deepest condolences...

My deepest condolences to the 2 NSF who passed away on Tues and Wed respectively.

Got to know the regular (Pilot Trainee) whom passed away on Wed is the bf of a ASc jr and my friend's friend... Felt pretty sad by the news actually.. Hope she and the family will picked themself up asap...

And also, got to know a TP BMS(PST I think) senior who is in the batch before me passed away due to fever caused by viral infection. (Or purely viral infection?) earlier on this week. Don't know her personally but got to know about her thru Flowerpod earlier last yr. And she's only 24 this year. Sigh... Her last post in FP also says that she's down with a fever caused by viral infection. And who knows for the following day or 2, shes in ICU alr... Life's so unpredictable....

I really can't imagine anyone close/dear to me goe someday... Please please please be well and healthy and don't leave any people you love behind.

And as for me, I think I have become more paranoid. Things like 'What happen if I just die like that' actually set me to deep thinking mode recently...

Life's really fragile and unpredictable.. People, please do show the love you have for the people surrounding you while you can...

If ever 1 day I am gone, please please please help me tell my father & mother, I truly love the both of them....